Body dysmorphia is defined as: a mental illness characterized by a constant worrying over a perceived or slight defect in appearance. Decades ago, I was diagnosed with this. When I get a pimple, it may be the size of the tip of a ballpoint pen, but to me, it’s practically the size of my entire face. If I have a single eyebrow hair out of place, I am positive everyone will take notice, and be appalled by my horrible grooming skills, or lack there-of. When I look in the mirror, I see a very obese woman. When I gain even 1 pound, I call myself a lardass. My perception of myself is skewed. I know it’s skewed because I have learned how to look for the truth, to make this mental illness easier to manage. The scale, that I try to not get on as much as my brain seems to want, tells me that I’m not even close to weighing as much as I feel like I do. My clothing sizes match what the scale says, and not what my brain tells me. I’ve also noticed that while I’m horrified at a new pimple, not a single person has ever looked at my blemishes and laughed or run away screaming. Throughout my life I struggled with anorexia, and while I’m no longer anorexic, my relationship with eating is still contemptuous, most of the time. I have been to many therapists that, thankfully, tried to help me with my body dysmorphia, giving me tips and tools to live with it. Not a single therapist wrote me a prescription for plastic surgery, or weight loss pills. Not a single therapist, asked if I preferred they use different pronouns to better suit how I saw myself. Nobody, ever fed into my personal delusions, if anything they tried to feed me reality.

Why can’t we do the same thing for those who suffer from gender dysphoria? These two mental illnesses are closely related. For one, as I’ve already pointed out, they are both mental illnesses. They both involve a skewed view of reality. However, for gender dysphoria, prescriptions are hastily written for pills, and procedures. Instead of coming at gender dysphoria with love, understanding, and patience, doctors and others in positions of power come at it with greed, haste, and anything but love. Certain mental illnesses don’t just go away, they are with us for life, but we can absolutely learn how to live with them. We can learn how to manage the symptoms, and be a bit unburdened by them.

Objectively, I am not an obese woman covered in giant pimples. Objectively, you were not born the wrong gender, specie, or race. Our personal truths should never be catered to, it’s a slippery slope, and it’s dangerous. Catering to our subjective truths gives us a temporary high, or temporary relief, it will never be long term. When the high wears off, when the relief is gone, we always feel worse. If you’re anything like me, you’ll deny that you feel worse. You’ll deny that you were wrong. I’m the queen of denial, well, I used to be. My hope is this, to help you feel less alone, less like a freak, less like a burden, and outsider. My hope is for us to get to know one another, and grow as individuals. I want to share what I’ve learned throughout life experiences. I desperately want to share the peace, hope, fulfillment, and contentment that I have found.