Patience is not my virtue. My instincts are to blow up and drop f-bombs instead of remaining calm, and showing someone even just a bit of patience.

When I got together with my husband, I wanted to treat him better than I treated my past boyfriends, and even (I’m ashamed to say) my family. So, I started working on being more patient, and from that, I created a ‘gauge of importance’. Instead of blowing up, I take a step back, breath, talk to God, and think, ‘if he doesn’t make it home tonight, is this the moment I’m really going to be focusing on?’ It never is, so I calm down, and try to be patient. I use this for everything, horrible drivers that irritate me, inconsiderate fellow shoppers, even my dogs. How important is the current situation in the big scheme of things? More often than not, I find most situations aren’t worth getting all worked up over. I still have my moments, but they are more and more infrequent, and that’s progress.

Now here is what patience isn’t. It isn’t abuse. Don’t stay in a hellish situation because your abuser just needs love and patience. I’ve stayed in those situations because I was told to just be patient, they need it, they need my love in this trying time, it’s just a phase, they don’t really mean to hurt me. I stayed because love is patient, and I thought I had to. God does not want us to stay in abusive relationships. Love is patient, abuse is not love, therefore patience is not part of the equation. I repeat, abuse is NOT love.

Patience is work, but when you get to a point where you are more patient, you start feeling better about yourself. When I don’t snap, and start dropping those f-bombs, I feel proud of myself, and I want more of that. Feeling proud of yourself for showing someone love, is intoxicating, and it lasts so much longer than the ever-fleeting instant gratification that comes from impatience.