He knew where I was. Not only did E know where to find me, he was relentless in his emails. His plan of attack was to fake love for me. He would email me promises of letting me keep my own money. He would find a way to take care of me. I could even stay in contact with my family. How generous.

While he was in the love bombing stage, I ran into him while buying cigarettes. I remember feeling so scared I was shaking. For some reason I chose to confront him, and tell him he was an abusive rapist. He acted hurt, and told me he would never hurt me. He said he loved me. I felt sick. I was starting to doubt myself, and I had to keep reminding myself of who he was and what he had done. He changed after that. His emails got angry. He started threatening me. If he couldn’t have me, nobody could. He said he would never let go, he would never stop, I was his soulmate, and he would have me. I belonged to him.

E knew I was talking to another man. A man I’d known for a long time, and loved very much. This man was my best friend, and is now my husband. E was livid. I knew E’s anger, and terror was my companion once again.

When I left E, I thought I’d feel peace. I thought I’d feel safe. But I was always watching my back, I was always anxious and scared. I feared for my life, and the lives of my loved ones. E was a wild card, capable of anything. I carried a pocketknife on me for a small semblance of safety. But now, with him being so angry, and knowing where I was staying, the pocketknife wasn’t enough. I wasn’t safe, and I wasn’t able to heal. I still felt trapped in hell, and I’d not uttered a word about it to a single living soul.