Mending my relationships was difficult. I’d been hurting my family for so long, and I had no idea how to tell them why this time was different. I felt ashamed for allowing E to control me, ashamed for the abuse I suffered at his hands, ashamed that I didn’t talk to them, didn’t share with them the absolute terror that drove me to leave the state so abruptly. How does one even begin to mend those fractured relationships? The trust was gone, hearts broken, and walls were up. I’m still working on it, with some of my family, but we’re in a much better place.

I started with the most important relationship, God. My theory was that if I got things right with Him, I’d be healthier. If I’m healthier, I’m more capable of having healthy relationships. I’d be a better woman, a better daughter, sister, a better partner. If I’m healthy, if I’m drawing nearer to God, my family would be able to see the changes for themselves. When you’re doing well, when you’re close to Him, you don’t need to use words to convince people you’re emotionally healthy. You don’t need to get defensive. You gain wisdom, and peace, and that speaks for itself.

It’s been many years since I ran away. My loved ones have been able to see my growth in my actions. When we’re all together, M included, I’m relaxed. M and I can be in separate rooms, talking to different people, and it’s okay. They see how M looks at me, like a man in love, a man at peace. I laugh more, I enjoy myself, I enjoy my loved ones.

Rebuilding relationships takes time, but the reward is worth it.