My thoughts scared me at times, but I wasn’t going to give in. I wasn’t going to give E the satisfaction of breaking me to the point I cut myself, or worse. I wasn’t going to let any of the monsters from my past win, and I certainly wasn’t going to act selfishly, and potentially put M in a position to find me lifeless.

I remembered what God had done for me the day I escaped E, and I started leaning on Him. I also remembered the tools Dr. C (my last psychologist) gave me when I was seeing him, so I utilized those. Fear was slowly replaced with hope, and fierce determination.

By the time I started feeling better, I had a new set of issues. My brain was functioning without medication for the first time in well over a decade. Emotions were more intense, and difficult to manage. I was exhausted from just trying to feel, and live without the aid of medicine. Tired, but content was my new normal. With the grace of God, I made it, and I felt more like myself than I can ever remember feeling before.

Please don’t do what I did. Always go on or off of medications with the guidance and supervision of your doctor. It will take some time, but you won’t go through severe withdrawals that are scary. Be safe, and be smart.