Faith after trauma is difficult, to say the least. We want answers as to why things were allowed to happen to us. Why was evil allowed to take my innocence? Why was my rapist the only one to get me pregnant, only for me to miscarry? Why did my husband have to die? Why couldn’t I have taken his place? Why? What do we do when the ‘why’ is never answered?

In my journey to get closer to God, these were the questions that I asked. The answer was not what I wanted to hear. I was being told to have faith. That I cannot know all of the answers to my questions, and by the time I can, they won’t matter anymore. It’s difficult to imagine there ever being a time where I didn’t care about getting my answers. That led me to start asking a new question, ‘How can I have faith in You?’ Faith in darkness is seemingly impossible.

The answer to my new question is something that I have to put into practice frequently. We need to be humble. That’s it, that’s the answer. We are humans. Imperfect, short-sighted humans. God is perfect, all knowing, wise, and all seeing. He knows things we can’t even fathom, and He doesn’t answer to us. He is God. The Great I Am. Our job is to have faith. To know that we simply don’t get to know everything. We need to have faith that God loves us, and He has His reasons. Reasons that we most likely will never be privy to.

Faith is trusting in God no matter what. Trust that He knows what He’s doing. Faith is trusting in our Creator even in the darkest of times, and letting go of our need to know the why. Faith is challenging, it’s work, but when you bring those doubts to His feet, when you share the challenge with the Lord, your relationship with Him grows. When your relationship with God grows, you grow as an individual as well.