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I was never sexually attracted to E, something he was aware of because he seemed to be very attracted to me. E needed to remedy that, so that he could feel like I wanted him. His method was to shame me. It started with shaming me for having adult toys. He did such a good…
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This series takes a lot out of me, which is why I haven’t been consistent. Part of me just wanted to move on from it, but then I kept hearing people talk about the Sean Combs trial. People, like Bill Maher seem to think leaving an abusive situation is easy. As easy as calling the…
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Mending my relationships was difficult. I’d been hurting my family for so long, and I had no idea how to tell them why this time was different. I felt ashamed for allowing E to control me, ashamed for the abuse I suffered at his hands, ashamed that I didn’t talk to them, didn’t share with…
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Fleeing E was supposed to bring me peace, and comfort. I had dreams of living for myself, laughing, and making the most out of my newfound freedom. I never thought that life after him would be as painful as life with him, but it was. He still had control over me, and I was getting…
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My family, and my husband, M, harbor hurt for me not telling them what was going on. I’m not sure I’ve ever been able to vocalize the reasoning. I’m willing to bet there are others like me out there, and I want you to be able to learn something from me, and not make my…
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He knew where I was. Not only did E know where to find me, he was relentless in his emails. His plan of attack was to fake love for me. He would email me promises of letting me keep my own money. He would find a way to take care of me. I could even…
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Making the overwhelming journey of rebuilding myself a more positive experience was my goal. Instead of hyper focusing on the depressing facts of how little I knew about Marie, I threw a positive spin on it, and tried to make it more about freedom. I finally had the freedom to dress however I wanted, eat…
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For several years I was told how to dress, how to do my hair. I was told what to say when talking to anyone outside of E’s circle. I was told what I could spend my own money on. Every aspect of my life was ruled by E. I had no say. Doctors appointments were…
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One morning, at the crack of dawn, I woke up. In a moment of clarity, the reality of my situation hit me like a Mack truck. Emotions flooded me in the most overwhelming way. I was finally awake to the nightmare that had become my life. Desperation overtook me, and I instantly had a plan…
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My body started to quit on me. I developed anxiety, panic disorder, I was constantly nauseous, and constantly violently ill. My brain had checked out. I had moments of being coherent, and knowing something wasn’t right, but they were short lived. E broke me. He knew where to hurt me physically, and how, so there…