faith
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I know evil. I’ve felt its touch on my bare flesh. Always without my consent. I’ve heard its whisper in my ear. Telling me all the vile things it had planned for me. Telling me how sexy it was to watch my face as I was paralyzed by fear and the drugs they had slipped…
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The endometriosis kept getting worse, and after multiple procedures to remove the tissue from other organs, paired with the miscarriage, I had a hysterectomy. Now it was final. I most certainly would never carry a child. I’d never give birth. There were other options, but it seemed anytime I considered them God made the option…
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Growing up, I wanted to be a variety of things ranging from a boy, ice skater, ballerina, teacher, dragon to a housewife. Through the ever changing list, one always remained. I wanted to be a mom. The older I got, the more intense the desire to have kids became. At one point, I stopped caring…
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Yesterday I was so angry with the Sean Combs verdict, that when I wrote my post I left out a major part of why I, and many others, stayed in a long-term abusive relationship. Love bombs. Oftentimes, when E would go off on me, physically or verbally, he would follow it up with the usual…
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Throughout the years, with and even before E, I had been told that I deserved the abuse I was receiving. Not only was it my fault, but not a single person would believe me if I were to speak of it. I started hearing these things when I was a young child, and when you…
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E molded me into a submissive slave. He taught me early on, in the friendship stage, not to argue with him. If I, or anyone for that matter, had a differing opinion, or dared to tell him he was wrong about something, he would come back with ‘It’s because I’m a man, isn’t it?!’, or…
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Mending my relationships was difficult. I’d been hurting my family for so long, and I had no idea how to tell them why this time was different. I felt ashamed for allowing E to control me, ashamed for the abuse I suffered at his hands, ashamed that I didn’t talk to them, didn’t share with…
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Fleeing E was supposed to bring me peace, and comfort. I had dreams of living for myself, laughing, and making the most out of my newfound freedom. I never thought that life after him would be as painful as life with him, but it was. He still had control over me, and I was getting…
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Making the overwhelming journey of rebuilding myself a more positive experience was my goal. Instead of hyper focusing on the depressing facts of how little I knew about Marie, I threw a positive spin on it, and tried to make it more about freedom. I finally had the freedom to dress however I wanted, eat…
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One morning, at the crack of dawn, I woke up. In a moment of clarity, the reality of my situation hit me like a Mack truck. Emotions flooded me in the most overwhelming way. I was finally awake to the nightmare that had become my life. Desperation overtook me, and I instantly had a plan…
