God

  • When I’m asking God for guidance, I ask Him to dumb it down for me. I tend to question if it’s God telling me no, or if it’s my own doubts. Is He telling me yes, or is it my own wants that I’m hearing. This has led me to ask God to make His…

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  • Faith after trauma is difficult, to say the least. We want answers as to why things were allowed to happen to us. Why was evil allowed to take my innocence? Why was my rapist the only one to get me pregnant, only for me to miscarry? Why did my husband have to die? Why couldn’t…

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  • My mind likes to wonder. I’ve had this problem for as long as I can remember. I will be listening to someone or something, and have several other unrelated thoughts going through my mind at the same time. It’s inconvenient, rude, and frustrating, so I tried to find a way to help myself. At church,…

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  • Double-Edged Sword

    Hearing another survivor of assault talk about their experience, their feelings brings on two emotions. On one hand it’s utterly heartbreaking. I always wish I was the only person to ever be assaulted. I wish that somehow I could just take on every other person’s trauma, and nightmares. On the other hand, I feel less…

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  • In order to build a strong, lasting, intimate relationship with God, we have to realize that He has terms and conditions. Like any good parent, He loves us enough not to spoil us. Sure, He is more than capable of answering all our prayers, completely taking away all our burdens, and letting us just live…

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  • Terms and Conditions pt 15

    For the first time since I was in middle school, I was unmedicated. My emotions were difficult to control, and they felt foreign. This was my newest hurdle. I had to learn to feel things in a healthier way. I had to reign in my emotions. With God leading the way, I slowly learned how…

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  • Terms and Conditions pt 14

    My thoughts scared me at times, but I wasn’t going to give in. I wasn’t going to give E the satisfaction of breaking me to the point I cut myself, or worse. I wasn’t going to let any of the monsters from my past win, and I certainly wasn’t going to act selfishly, and potentially…

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  • Construction Zone

    This year, with God’s grace and guidance, I’ve decided to start putting money into this blog. With new features comes new themes, and I found one I fell in love with. Now comes the fun part, figuring out how to personalize it, and get it perfect for my blog. I know nothing about technology, and…

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  • Terms and Conditions pt 13

    One morning, M woke up living the bachelor life, and that night he went to bed with me and my dog as his new roommates. My ex had finally scared me enough to flee the state, and seek safety in another. I didn’t tell anyone why I fled. Shame kept my mouth shut. I was…

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  • Terms and Conditions pt 11

    He never saw the abuse. E wasn’t one to leave marks, and when E made his ‘official’ move on me, I went with it, and played the dutiful, happy girlfriend. It was easy, as I had become numb to life, and malleable. M didn’t like E, but he, like most others, never could have imagined…

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