relationships
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Starting a relationship with a broken and beaten down individual is a difficult thing. M learned that. One minute I’d be trying to get closer to him by opening up, the next I was pushing him away and ending things. I was terrified that not only would he see me as I saw myself, dirty,…
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Unbeknownst to me, E had been going around telling people that we were dating. He was marking his territory well before he made his first ‘official’ move on me. Looking back at the day I met M, it all becomes clear, but I was oblivious then. E had been warning me that M was an…
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This post comes with a Trigger Warning. Part 6 is about being drugged and raped. This may be a long post, because I can’t split this one up. It’s too difficult to write about. After my husband died, a part of me went with him. I had an opportunity to leave the state and move…
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In the midst of the sexual abuse I battled other things, as well. Body dysmorphia was one. I still battle with it. I remember getting my first tattoo, and it was the first time I looked in the mirror and smiled. More tattoos followed, and they give me something to smile about to this day.…
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I was never sexually attracted to E, something he was aware of because he seemed to be very attracted to me. E needed to remedy that, so that he could feel like I wanted him. His method was to shame me. It started with shaming me for having adult toys. He did such a good…
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This series takes a lot out of me, which is why I haven’t been consistent. Part of me just wanted to move on from it, but then I kept hearing people talk about the Sean Combs trial. People, like Bill Maher seem to think leaving an abusive situation is easy. As easy as calling the…
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Mending my relationships was difficult. I’d been hurting my family for so long, and I had no idea how to tell them why this time was different. I felt ashamed for allowing E to control me, ashamed for the abuse I suffered at his hands, ashamed that I didn’t talk to them, didn’t share with…
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Fleeing E was supposed to bring me peace, and comfort. I had dreams of living for myself, laughing, and making the most out of my newfound freedom. I never thought that life after him would be as painful as life with him, but it was. He still had control over me, and I was getting…
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My family, and my husband, M, harbor hurt for me not telling them what was going on. I’m not sure I’ve ever been able to vocalize the reasoning. I’m willing to bet there are others like me out there, and I want you to be able to learn something from me, and not make my…
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He knew where I was. Not only did E know where to find me, he was relentless in his emails. His plan of attack was to fake love for me. He would email me promises of letting me keep my own money. He would find a way to take care of me. I could even…
Objectively Truthful 